What I Wish I Knew About Working With Difficult People

SPOILER ALERT: Other people find them difficult too!

I’ve always loved the idea of having a nemesis. 

I’m not actively seeking drama in my life, but there’s something so primal in the human need to overcome and defeat a long-standing rival – a Voldemort, to my Harry Potter life. 😉

I find it fitting that the term comes from the Greek goddess of vengeance, Nemesis, who doled out rewards for noble acts and punishment for evil ones. Which is to say, the word isn’t just about flat out #meangirl hating on someone, but about justice.

If only that existed in corporate America. 

I remember a few years back, I was working with this guy – we’ll call him Frank, a husky white dude from New Jersey. He’d often wear a gray hoodie under a black leather jacket, sleeves cuffed, a bit too perfectly.

Eyes brightened whenever he rolled into the room. Laughter exploded with whatever joke came out of his mouth, most notably from the leaders of our organization. I never “got” his humor, but assumed it was my lack of savoir faire in this new industry I was working in.

His pointed slate eyes would extoll me to “not be so serious,” as we prepped for week-long work trips. I always felt less than around this man.

***

I’ve had my fair share of difficult colleagues. You know, the ones from hell that are outright hostile. Frank’s impact on my work experience was more insidious. 

Our interactions left me spending far too much time trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with me. Research shows I’m not alone¹. 80% of people on the receiving end of “uncivil behavior” lose precious time ruminating about rude comments from a colleague or wondering why their boss is sending an email during their presentation.

***

Three years later, I’m at a bar exchanging pleasantries with the guy next to me, a “So what do you do?” type convo. At some point, my new friend learns of my past employment history, “Do you know Frank?” 

I apparently could not conceal my cringe. 

“You too huh?” the man laughed. He had worked with Frank at a different company, “I never liked the guy, always seemed kinda smarmy to me.” 

IPA in hand, I had an epiphany. 

Here’s the thing about working with difficult people:
Other people find them difficult too 🤯

I still don’t know how to articulate why Frank was so difficult to work with, but I know that the feeling I had was legitimate, as christened by a total stranger at a bar. 

How’s that for some poetic justice?

Special thanks to Emma Dorge and Lauri Valerio for the edits this week!

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3 Things That Caught My Attention This Week:

🩳 Free People Micro Shorts: I haven’t laughed this hard since Schitt’s Creek ended. Having a bad day? The comments on this post do not disappoint, “OBGYN here…looks like I’ll be double booked a few weeks out.” 🤣 Need more hilarity in your life, dive deep into the follow-on posts, like this one. I DIE 💀

🎧 How To Have The Hardest Conversations: I haven’t read the book Supercommunicators yet, but it’s at the top of my list. This episode of Plain English speaks with it’s author and the takeaways are excellent. This topic really resonated for me, professionally and personally.

🤔 Lenny’s Favorite Decision Making Frameworks: I’m a huge Lenny fan. He is a content powerhouse with a podcast and newsletter that provides some of the greatest value for those of us working in fast-paced, innovative industries. This resource of templates and guides to “help you make better decisions with less drama” is GOLD.

1. https://hbr.org/2013/01/the-price-of-incivility