Half the Exercise, Twice the Guilt: The Absurdity of Women's Wellness Standards
Science says women need less exercise than men—cold comfort when everything else demands more
I had just put my kid to sleep and was mindlessly scrolling the ‘gram, when a post from a girlfriend made me laugh out loud, “You’re telling me that for my whole life I could’ve been putting in half the effort for the same gains?!”
She was referring to a new study1, published in the Journal of the American College of Cardiology, suggesting that to live longer, women need half as much exercise as men, “Because you finally decided to study female-specific shit?! God f*cking dammit!” her post concluded.
For some reason this precise combination of aghast horror and swearing induced a manic hilarity deep in my bones. Fat tears started rolling down my face. I cannot tell you if I was laughing or crying. But it lasted for a good 15 minutes. It was cathartic.
To be frank, I am exhausted.
I am an employee, mother, wife, boss, entrepreneur, athlete, sister, daughter, friend. The labels go on and on. The pressure of it all has been a lot lately. That silly post reminded me of how impossible it all is.
How often do we feel less than, behind, or just exhausted because of the impossible systems we operate in? And yet, those structures and cultural expectations are simply a product of who they were designed for.
In this case, the problem, as
explains in her excellent essay on the subject,2 is “that the vast majority of the knowledge about how our bodies work, comes from studies of a certain type of body that may or may not work like our own.”Let’s ponder that for a second. Please, humor me and lean into the ridiculousness of it all.
We don’t study women’s bodies in a rigorous way. Literally the “entire experience of sport was developed around the experience of boys and men” because women’s bodies are too complicated (read: hormonal).
And so, we’re given generic advice by “experts” to engage in X minutes of cardio and lift weights Y amount and in doing so, adhere to cultural expectations of wellness and slimness and decrease our health risks, blah, blah, blah. And so, as a nation, all these overworked, exhausted, structurally unsupported women get up at 5am, punch that exercise card and do what they can to meet these “studied” minimum standards in a hope and a prayer that they’ll live longer, healthier, happier lives.
Except, that it’s not generic advice. It’s for men. “This is great news for women who struggle to motivate themselves!” say the study’s authors.
God f*cking dammit!
The hilarity of trying to “motivate” across so many dimensions to meet standards that were categorically not designed for me, is well, a lot.
This especially hit home at 2am last Sunday, when I found myself solo-parenting at my folks home, scrubbing my toddler’s vomit from her pajamas for a fifth time that evening. We’d flown to Texas to attend my grandfather’s funeral and father’s retirement party, a fortuitous, if emotionally challenging coincidence.
As I ran the regurgitated mandarin-laced towel under the sink, my mind began the mental gymnastics of trying to figure out how I would fit everything together that week, now with a sick toddler. The consideration set was large. This was especially the case as I had planned on working that week, relying on my parents for childcare, a notion now in question as I heard my mother loudly retching in the adjoining room.
At the end of the day, I gave up. I used my PTO and took the entire week off of work, ended up sick myself, spent a lot of extra cash rearranging flights and childcare, and returned home a ghost of a human, to cheery, well-meaning asks of “How was your time off?” from my team.
What they tell us we need isn’t what we actually need. I need sleep. A lot of it. And yet, I cannot shake this feeling that rest is a luxury that I am not entitled to right now. I feel GUILTY for needing it so profoundly, when I just took 5 days off of work and there are many pressing needs to attend to.
Maybe a workout will help.
God f*cking dammit!
2 Things That Caught My Attention This Week:
📖 ACOTAR: I’m just gonna go ahead and own the fact that I stayed up until midnight last night making my way through the second book of this “fairy porn” YA series. Apparently my need for sleep is not as strong as my need for escape. It took multiple friends nudging and this excellent essay in Culture Study to finally convince me of it. But, y’all, it’s worth the shame 🤷🏽♀️
🎧 The One Where You’re Awake At 3:30am Every Day: Speaking of lack of sleep, I found this podcast to have some excellent, non-obvious approaches to insomnia. For instance, if you get hypoglycemic at night (read: low blood sugar), it could induce a wake-up that is hard to recover from. Good stuff starts 20 minutes in. No surprise, fantasy reads aren’t exactly encouraged as part of healthy bedtime hygiene 🙄
Special thanks to Emma Dorge and Lauri Valerio for the edits this week!
https://time.com/6695868/exercise-live-longer-women/
Look at it with the cup half full - there're so many entrepreneurial opportunities in the women's health space just waiting for you! Oh wait... does that mean you'll be busier and more sleepless than ever? oops